Internal first, external second: Reflections on the Journey to Discovering Your True SelfApr 15, 2023
From Critic To Coach
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Thought of the week:
“You were born to be real not to be perfect.” — Unknown
In this week's dose, I share how to reflect on what you really want in life.
Hundreds of men I've spoken with have said this in their own unique way...
They're not feeling how they expected to be feeling at this point in their life.
Something is missing.
Something feels off.
A lack of fulfillment.
No real meaning.
No deep sense of contentment & happiness.
That what they're doing every day doesn't line up with the life they actually want.
And they feel a little burnt out.
With seemingly ZERO clarity on how to proceed.
We've become so disconnected from ourselves that we don't know how to pause, reflect, introspect, and discover what it is we truly need to do.
Sitting with ourselves + our thoughts has become a foreign idea.
We can't imagine being away from our phone, stocks, sports, podcasts, or just a little music in the background for an extended period of time.
But what if the answers are right there in front of you?
Waiting for you.
And all you need to do is disconnect, reflect, and just BE for a bit.
Have you asked yourself...
Why you're so dead set on living life by a set of rules that were created by someone else?
Why you keep going down paths that aren't what you truly want to do?
Why you go against what your gut tells you because you think there's a right way to do life?
That you need to find THE path to follow in order to find success in life.
The path that will have all the steps laid out CLEARLY, and success is all but guaranteed if you JUST follow them perfectly.
And only THEN will you be able to feel OKAY.
This goes beyond career.
What hobbies you can be into, what you're capable of learning, how to spend your days, what a relationship means, how to act as a man, where you're allowed to find joy, etc.
We place self-imposed limitations on what we can or cannot do, mostly because of how it might appear to others.
We've become so disconnected from ourselves.
We don't even trust our OWN self to steer us in the right direction when we're lost.
We're born with an innate knowing of what we need to do to be our best selves, enjoy life, and be happy.
But now we think it lives in our job, house, car, investment account, and the quality of our romantic relationship.
We're stuck in a comparison trap, constantly measuring ourselves against others, trying to keep up.
We beat ourselves up for not being where we should/could be.
So we continue to try and change our external world hoping that we'll find the right recipe that will cure the internal discomfort we feel.
What if we could learn to be OK with whatever happens?
If we didn't place our happiness in the hands of something else?
If we took full responsibility for our level of contentment, happiness, joy, and chose to feel those things today?
If we treated ourselves like we would a best friend, with love & compassion & patience & a pinch of tough love?
It's exhausting to live in CRITIC-mode all the time.
Enough with the negative self-talk, criticism, never-ending expectations, constant comparison, and should-ing all over ourselves.
That's a hard way to live.
A huge shift came 2 years ago when I made the choice to start treating myself like I would my best friend.
With compassion, love, encouragement, and patience.
Instead of judgment, ridicule, and fear.
The beliefs my critic was trying to push on me no longer had a place in my life and didn't help what I'm trying to create for myself.
And once the energy with which I lived life shifted from fear & insufficiency INTO creation, love, & contentment things started to fall into place.
Instead of the false idea we've all been chasing -> fix the external, then my internal will be at peace.
It's actually -> solve the internal first, the external will fall into place.